you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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