I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
