So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Found your dick twin last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
