i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
