It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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