His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
