i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
