Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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