look no pants
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
