ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
