it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
