I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
