do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
