So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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