Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
