So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
