Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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