The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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