Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
