So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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