'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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