You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
