You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
