Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
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