Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
