Please, let me fuck your mom
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
