Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
