just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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