we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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