We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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