youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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