Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We are all done wearing pants today
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
