Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
