Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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