no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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