My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
