Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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