Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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