I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
