it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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