I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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