My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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