i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
