now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
