ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
