I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
