I'm really into asian looking animals
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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