Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
