No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
