if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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