I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
bring money and cleavage
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
