I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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