Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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